Thursday, February 23, 2006

How beautiful is your backdoor?



















I recently signed up for a service that counts the number of people who read my blog.

Sometimes it's 100's of readers in a day who explore my dark places - AND NONE OF YOU FUCKERS EVER SAYS 'HELLO'!!!.

Sorry about that, I haven't been well. But what is real fun is I can check out the site or search engine you found my name on. In this way I discover other sites too. And one I found recently really amused me.

It's called puckerup.com and it's about anuses or is that anui? And it's written by a woman and this is a bit of her biog:

"TRISTAN TAORMINO is an award-winning author, columnist, editor, and sex educator. She graduated Phi Beta Kappa with her Bachelor's degree in American Studies from Wesleyan University in 1993. She is the author of three books: True Lust: Adventures in Sex, Porn and Perversion (Cleis Press); Down and Dirty Sex Secrets (ReganBooks/HaperCollins); and The Ultimate Guide to Anal Sex for Women (Cleis Press), winner of a Firecracker Book Award and named Amazon.com's #1 Bestseller in Women's Sex Instruction in 1998

She lectures at top colleges and universities including Yale, Brown, Columbia, Smith, Vassar, and NYU, where she speaks on gay and lesbian issues, sexuality and gender, and feminism".

Tristan is the dark haired lady in the pic closely examining her favourite subject. And I hope she doesn't mind if I reprint one of her articles in full ( as it's very funny and my illness (bottom-related ironically) has curbed my creativity. So here it is:

Britesmile for Bungholes
Investigating the latest craze in bodily beautification: anal bleaching
by Tristan Taormino

Is there one perfect shade of ass?

LOS ANGELES—"Is there any way of making my anus more pink or lighter in color? Mine is dark and I hate it. Any suggestions?" I received this question from a female reader of my Anal Advisor column in Taboo, and believe it or not, she's not the only one pining for a pinker pucker. I've gotten letters from dozens of people asking how to make their buttholes better looking. Until recently, I couldn't give them much help, because based on my research, no product or procedure existed to lighten that place, which spends a lot of time in the dark. Then, this year, an episode of Dr. 90210 on E! featured porn star Tabitha Stevens visiting a salon in the San Fernando Valley to get her asshole bleached. I was flooded with e-mails alerting me to this cosmetic procedure's television debut. One came from Crappers Quarterly (crappersquarterly.com), a website dedicated to "public toilet reviews around the world," whose anonymous reporter investigated the treatment and interviewed someone from the salon over the phone. I was curious to see for myself just what this, the equivalent of BriteSmile for bungholes, was all about. So I made my own appointment for an anal bleaching at Pink Cheeks.

Pink Cheeks is a Sherman Oaks salon that specializes in all types of body waxing; in fact, it offers seven different pussy-waxing options, from the Brazilian bikini wax to the Playboy (bikini line, labia, and butt crack waxed with a thick or thin V of hair left on top). It is also the place that has pioneered the ass-whitening procedure and was featured in the E! segment. After waiting an hour (apparently there were a lot of parts to be defurred and/or bleached that day), I was directed to a small room with a massage table covered in a blanket and that sheet of thin paper that shields doctors' exam tables. A hand-painted pink wooden sign hanging on the wall read, "NO WHINING."

A few minutes later, I was greeted by Pink Cheeks owner Cindy Esser-Thorin, a cheery woman who floated into the room and peppered our discussion of backdoor beauty regimens with "honey" and "sweetheart." "Ask me why the butthole is dark to begin with," she suggested. I obliged, and she proceeded to tell me about genetics, pigmentation, and when a zygote splits to form an embryo. OK, so you've done some homework on the subject, I thought to myself.

She told me that she would wax the anus first, then apply Pink Cheeks Amazing Anal Bleaching Cream, a product the salon developed, to the area. I scanned the label: The active ingredient is hydroquinone (4 percent), a substance used to lighten dark skin, commonly found in products used by African Americans to even out skin tone. "We just tried it on some buttholes and realized it worked," said Esser-Thorin.

After the procedure, she explained, she would send me home with the jar of cream, a brush, and instructions: Use it each night until you achieve the desired lightness. You should see results in one to two weeks. If you experience burning, tenderness, or discomfort, decrease applications to every other day or stop altogether. She handed me a sheet with "before" and "after" photos and noted, "This girl's butthole was so white in the 'after' shot, the flash bounced off it!" When she looked ready to spread beeswax back there and get going, I revealed that I'm a writer and just wanted information for a column. "So we're not going to actually do it?" she asked, looking a little disappointed. You know I'll usually try anything once, but the truth is I really like the way my ass looks as it is.

As far as Esser-Thorin knows, there is no one else in the U.S. offering this service, which costs $75 (according to Crappers Quarterly, an Australian salon called the Bees' Knees offers a similar procedure). She estimates that in the less than four months since Pink Cheeks has made it available, she has lightened the brown eyes of about 170 customers, including visitors to the salon and those who've ordered the product over the phone (818-906-8225). "We've gotten a lot of orders from Texas," she says. "We've been bleaching lots of Texan winkers." Notably, about one-third of requests come from men, and she said it has become very popular among gay guys. After our session, she hugged me. I've never been hugged before by a person I could have paid to remove the hair from my genital region. I got the feeling she hugs a lot.

We bleach our teeth and the hair on our heads and bodies, so why not lighten up wherever else we want? Well, when it comes to our privates, the personal parts are very much political. Vaginal cosmetic surgery—in which plastic surgeons trim and reshape the labia and make them symmetrical—supports the notion that there is such a thing as a normal- or typical-looking pussy. Likewise, anal bleaching is based on the idea that there is one perfect shade of ass. If you've seen as many cunts and rumps as I have, you know that this is false. Every person's nether regions have their own unique look (and personality, for that matter). I'm not interested in all of us having identical coochies! Plus, the butthole has gotten a bum rap to begin with, being characterized as dirty, private, asexual, and taboo. Now it needs a makeover too?

I support people modifying their bodies in whatever ways they wish in order to feel better about themselves, but I'm wary of putting chemicals into the hands of folks, especially women, who have body confidence issues that bleach cannot fix. Coming to terms with your negative feelings about your butt and learning to accept and love your body as it is could be a lot less expensive and uncomfortable. In the end, that seems like a rosier option. But who I am to judge? If it's not dangerous and it gets you more dates or more videos (for adult performers), then it may be no different than coloring your hair or getting dental veneers. This I know for sure: The pinkest, happiest buttholes I've ever seen are those that have been stroked, licked, and fucked till they couldn't help but blush with contentment (lots of blood rushing to the area helped too). And each one looked perfect to me

Thank you Tristan. Fascinating stuff and a perfect subject as a conversation-starter at that dinner party or pub chat.

Pucker. Pucker. From Sadie

Monday, February 20, 2006

It’s been a shit time for Sadie

I have a rather unsociable habit of ‘disappearing’ when times are bad. My friends have now either understood this or learnt to cope with it. And everyone else must think I’m just rude (who me?). Sorry, but that’s why there’s been no blog, stories or replies to your kind e-mails.

The last week or two has been a crap time for me as I’ve been producing so much of it. In fact, it’s been a copraphiliac’s dream.

I’ve had some fluey, feverish, stomach-loosening, generally sweaty and very unattractive sort of bug – but I’ve lost a bit of flab around the belly and bum so it’s not bad.

However, I’ve taken to my bed and shut the curtains and moaned quietly and generally shunned contact with human beings. Fortunately Jane my girlfriend has been a perfect little Florence Nightingale (she was gay too according to some recent book, but then that hairstyle gives it away really)

Jane has always been a good nurse – she’s so expert at taking my temperature with just her finger! But it must have been hellish dealing with this moaning lump under the duvet or on the loo. But hey, that’s love.

I’m not that much better so that’s why this is so short. When I’ve finished it I’ll be back in bed snuggled up with my favourite guy – Jack Daniels.

Love and groans. Sadie xxx